Hans Kellner Dot Com :: a mighty fine website!

Hans Kellner Dot Com

help help


Please use your head when commenting. I reserve the right to delete anything that I find... well, anything that I want! Har har har I have the power!

Ahhem, ah, and now back to our regular sponsored program.


search search

Google
Web
HansKellner.com

Acme Voodoo Doll (tm)

A little silliness for you.

Cheers!

Acme Voodoo Doll Kit (tm)
====================

1. Acme Voodoo Doll (tm) (1 item)

       -----
      | o O |
      |  '  |
       --=--
        | |
     ---| |---
    |         |
    | |     | |
    | |     | |
    | |     | |
    | |-----| 
    |||  |  |||
      | / \ |
      | | | |
      | | | |
      | | | |
      | | | |
      [-] [-]

2. Acme Voodoo Pins (tm) (3 items)

    ()-----------------
      -----------------()
    ()-----------------

Instructions (Steps 1 - 9):

1. Check the contents of your Acme Voodoo Doll Kit (tm) and be sure all items are included. If not, then you will need to order another and then perform a ritual on the shipping manager, the person that delivers your mail, or anyone else in the chain.

2. Print out your Acme Voodoo Doll Kit (tm). Then, locate a pair of sharp scissors. Oh, we like scissors... Now, cut out the Acme Voodoo Doll (tm) and the Acme Voodoo Pins (tm). If you cut yourself, save the blood in a little dixie cup for later. Grab one from the water cooler at work, but don't let your fellow workers see you. Workers always get pissy when someone steals the cups and drips blood in them.

3. Select the person that is the target of the ritual. This should be rather simple since we all have that "one" person that "deserves" a little special treatment. You know who I am talking about... that pesky neighbor, your girl/boy friend, that guy always hanging out near the water cooler, or your boss! Go ahead, write all the names down, we can handle them all.

4. Got your victim? Good. Now write their name on the front of the Acme Voodoo Doll (tm). If you have some blood saved from earlier, use it! All the better to write their name and it looks cool.

5. Now the fun part. Take one of the Acme Voodoo Pins (tm) in your left hand. Yes, the left hand, you know the wicked hand, the hand the nuns forced you not to write with since it was the devil's... You get the idea.

6. Place an image of the person in your mind. Begin thinking about all the bad things that person has done to you. Work up a good lather but don't froth at the mouth.

7. Ready? Raise your left hand high above your head. Feel the power of the pin and your curse about to be unleashed. Now bring your hand down to the doll and stick the Acme Voodoo Pin (tm) into the Acme Voodoo Doll (tm). Mash it in. Raise and stick again and again. Feel the energy? Feel the transfer of bad into the doll? Yes, it is good. If you hear a yelp down the hall or in the next cubicle... well, make sure nobody was watching or they might "pin" you to it.

8. Feel better? Repeat steps 5 through 7 for the remaining Acme Voodoo Pins (tm). If you still haven't worked it all out, dash to the copier to generate some more of those nice little Acme Voodoo Pins (tm).

9. Ready to tackle your remaining foes? Go back to step 2 for each new victim. What joy! Our amazing Acme Voodoo Doll Kit (tm) can be used over and over and over...

Thanks for being a good customer.

!!! Special Offer !!!

Forward a copy of this Acme Voodoo Doll Kit (tm) on to your friends as our gift to you. Make sure to only send it to friends since you wouldn't want this to fall into the hands of your enemies.

-= Acme Voodoo Products Division -=

Posted on December 27, 2003 07:38 PM  

(1) Comments

Permanent link to this comment. On June 20, 2005 01:00 PM, morgan wrote:

it is so much fun.i use it for all my enemies.

Add Your Own Comment

*
* (not made public)





* Required values to be able to Publish.

Copyright © 1999-2006 Hans Kellner. All rights reserved.